Thursday, April 19, 2012

Orgasm.com: Porning Up The Classics: If Your Favorite Books Got The XXX Treatment

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Porning Up The Classics: If Your Favorite Books Got The XXX Treatment
Apr 19th 2012, 15:05

Butterfly in the sky. I can go twice as high. Take a look. It’s in a book. It’s Reading Rainbow. I can do anything. Friends to know. Ways to grow. Reading Rainbow.

If there’s one thing I learned from my boy LeVar Burton, it’s that reading is good. It’s good for the soul, the mind and probably the body. So in honor of  Geordi La Forge, who taught me to get my reading on when I was a kid, Orgasm.com brings you: The Classics With More Sex.

Little Slutty Women by Louisa May Dicksucker

Our first classic is the tale of the March sisters. In the original Little Women, they ladies were actual sisters but for our XXX version they will be sorority sisters. We follow Meg, Jo, Beth and Amy as they screw their way through college like the dirty hoes they are.

“The March sisters are total sluts,’ Ryan said to Tim as they headed into the locker room after a tough loss to Appalachian State. Tim nodded as he threw his helmet down on the floor in disgust and sighed. If only he could get a blow job from Jo March. He was the quarterback after all. Don’t women love the quarterback? He’d already fucked Meg, Beth and Amy but it was Jo that interested him the most. She had dick sucking lips and according to Ryan, she was really into ball play. There was also a rumor that she shot a girl on girl porno with her iPhone.

Alice In Anal Land by Lewis Cumcarrol

Our second classic is what I’ve always thought would make a good HD porn starring Cali Lakai because of all the trippy stuff that goes on in the book. Alice in Wonderland was never my favorite book but I can see how people enjoy it so it gets the XXX treatment.

Through the looking glass, Alice spied a rather large dick. My word, she thought, where ever will I put it? She began to weap. Her tears flooding the tiny room.

“Oh look, I’m all wet,” she murmured.

Suddenly, the Mad Hatter burst in. It was his rather large dick that she had spied. He bent her over without saying a word and penetrated her in the butt while the Chesire Cat taped it for his personal collection.

The Cather In The Eye by JD Salingpussy

This might be one of the greatest books ever written. The only thing missing from The Catcher In The Rye is more sex.

Most guys at Pencey just talked about sexual intercourse with girls all the time – like Ackley for instance – but old Stradlater really did it. I was personally acquainted with at least two girls he gave the time to. That’s the truth. All the other guys were a bunch of phonies. It made you feel all crumby. Once I was in Central Park with Phoebe and she did this thing that almost killed me. Wuddya know she goes over to the duck pond and starts quacking at them. Anyway, I’m hard now and have to stop procrasturbating and shoot my load in this phony’s eye.

Moby Dick by Herman Melboobs

Didn’t have to change the title on that one to give it the XXX treatment. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen many HD porn movies with that title too.

Call me Ishmael. I like dick and I like when it’s in my mouth. They say the white whale is the most mysterious but personally, I prefer the sperm whale.

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